Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
