You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
