I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
