my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
