I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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