Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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