If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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