The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
