I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
