I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
