In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
