why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
