If i come over, it means nothing
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize