do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
