Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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