Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The uberlube is also flammable
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
