i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
