remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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