I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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