i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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