My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
