i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
