Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
