He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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