then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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