You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
