i dedicated my morning wood to you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
