YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This house was built for laser tag.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
