sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
