she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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