you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
