Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
