it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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