do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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