I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
please come you make the beer taste better
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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