i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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