i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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