I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
