he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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