our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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