This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
