Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
