I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
