You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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