i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
