Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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