you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
