Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
