The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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