3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
