I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
