Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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