My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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