I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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