Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
