Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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