I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
nutella sex= disaster
He felt like a one man threesome
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
