i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
