i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
