First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
