I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
