Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
