I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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