Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had to cum in my sink.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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