this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
