fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
