If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
