Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
