Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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