i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
