If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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