The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
