hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize