If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think your dad took our porno
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
