im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My penis needs a shock collar
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
