Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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