i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My vagina is officially offended.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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