just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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