omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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