I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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