Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
