the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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