He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
soo... how was my night?
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