Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
