tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
