Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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