There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
