he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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