I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
