next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
