Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
