ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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