I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
